Hillbilly Hank Meets Sambo

Hey yall. Hillbilly Hank here. I done got me a cartload of letters from them boys in Africa but this one chere soundid lik it gonna be a good un. git yerself a stool and sit down chere by the far a spell whilst ya read my gabbin with this here feller.

DEAR SIR,
MY NAME IS MR.SAMUEL RAPHEAL THE MANAGER CREDIT AND FOREIGN
BILLS OFECOBANK OF NIGERIA .I AM WRITING IN RESPECT OF A
FOREIGN CUSTOMER OF MY BANK WITH ACCOUNT NUMBER 14-255-
2004/utb/t WHO DIED IN A PLANE CRASH [ETHIOPIAN AIRLINE
961] WITH OTHER PASSENGERS ABOARD.
SIR, SINCE THE DEATH OF THIS CUSTOMER I PERSONALLY HAVE
WATCHED WITH KEEN INTEREST TO SEE THE NEXT OF KIN BUT ALL
HAS PROVED ABORTIVE AS NO ONE HAS COME TO CLAIM HIS FUNDS
OF USD15.5 M, [FIFTEEN MILLION FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND
UNITED STATES DOLLARS] HAS BEEN WITH MY BANK FOR A VERY
LONG TIME. ON THIS NOTE I DECIDED TO SEEK FOR WHOM HIS NAME
SHALL BE USED AS THE NEXT OF KIN AS NO ONE HAS COME UP TO
BE THE NEXT OF KIN. AND THE BANKING ETHICS HERE DOES NOT
ALLOW SUCH MONEY TO STAY MORE THAN FOUR YEARS, BECUASE
AFTER FOUR YEARS THE ACCOUNT WILL BE DECLARED DORMANT AND
THE MONEY FORFEITED TO THE BANK. IN VIEW OF THIS, I
DECIDED TO CONTACT YOU TO ACT AS THE NEXT OF KIN.THE
REQUEST OF A FOREIGNER AS NEXT OF KIN IN THIS BUSINESS IS
OCCASIONED BY THE FACT THAT CUSTOMER WAS A FOREIGNER. I
AGREED THAT 30% OF THIS MONEY WILL BE FOR YOU AS A FOREIGN
PARTNER IN RESPECT OF PROVIDING AN ACCOUNT, WHILE THE REST
WILL BE FOR ME. THEREAFTER I WILL VISIT YOUR COUNTRY FOR
DISBURSEMENT .THEREFORE TO FACILITATE THE IMMEDIATE
TRANSFER OF THIS FUND TO YOUR ACCOUNT AS ARRANGED, YOU MUST
APPLY FIRST TO THE BANK AS A RELATION TO THE DECEASED
INDICATING YOUR BANK NAME, YOUR BANK ACCOUNT NUMBER, YOUR
PRIVATE TEELEPHONE NUMBER, AND FAX NUMBER FOR EASY
COMMUNICATION AND LOCATION WHERE THE MONEY WILL BE
REMITTED. UPON THE RECEIPT OF YOUR REPLY, I WILL SEND YOU
BY FAX OR E-MAIL THE APPLICATION AND THE NEXT STEP TO TAKE.
I WILL NOT FAIL TO BRING TO YOUR NOTICE THAT THIS BUSINESS
IS HITCH FREE AND THAT YOU SHOULD NOT ENTERTAIN ANY FEAR AS
THE WHOLE REQUIRED ARRANGEMENT HAS BEEN MADE FOR THE
TRANSFER. YOU SHOULD CONTACT ME IMMEDIATELY AS SOON AS YOU
RECEIVE THIS LETTER.TRUSTING TO HEAR FROM YOU.
YOURS RESPECTFULLY,
MR.SAMUEL.RAPHAEL

Hi Sammy,

Thanks for pickin me to be the kin. what was the fereigners name? I sure could use that heap a money 'cause we kinda down on our luck here what with the young uns pilin up and Ma taken ill from rupert slippin that chiken poop in her mornin tea as a practecal joke. im thinkin if i get me some of that green stuff i may go get me a good used truck and a new bass boat. so tell me what all we gotta do to get this thing movin. you go ahead and send that application to me now and i'll get her filled out the best i can on my own. ain't no sense in gettin them fancy shmancy pants lawyers involved in this here whole ordeal if we men can work this out amonst ourselves right?

ill be waitin on ya Sammy,

Henry

ATTN:HENRY DUNGAN,

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR WILLINGNESS TO ASSIST ME IN THIS MUTUAL BUSINESS BENEFIT.

I HAVE STARTED OBTAINING THE VITAL DOCUMENTS THAT WILL ENHANCE A HITCH FREE CLAIM ,PLEASE TRY AND UNDERSTAND THAT THIS DEAL REQUIRES YOUR ABSOLUTELY FULL CO-OPERATION AND SECRESIVE TO AVOID ANY LEAKAGE.

ONCE MORE ,WE THANK YOU AND WISH YOU SEND US YOUR BANK DETAILS TO ENABLE US COMMENCE WITH THE BANK APPROVAL AND THE REST OF THEM.

PLEASE FOR FURTHER DISCUSIUON PLEASE FEEL FREE TO CALL ME ON MY PHONE NO:234-80-37201312.

PLEASE BEAR WITH ME IN MY EMAIL CHANGED BOX ,IT WAS DUE TO SOME NETWORK PROBLEM THAT I DECIDED TO USE THIS ALTERNATIVE EMAIL TO REACH YOU AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

PLEASE SEND TO ME YOUR PHONE AND FAX NO IMMEDIATELY.

THANKS

SAMMY

Hey there Sammy,

First off I dont rightly like it when people say my last name wrong. My last name is DUGAN not DUNGAN. You best get it right next time when you send me letters or ill be openin a can of whoopass on ya. oh and you can call me Hank too thats what my freinds all call me down there at the stachun. thats where i work mind ya is at a stachun fixin john deers. you got you a john deer boy? dont go tellin me yer onea them sissy boys that dont drive no john deer or we can call this thing off right now.

Now, about this here secresive and coopration so there ain't no leakage - git this thru yer head that i ain't gettin involved in any queer stuff. how i handle my leakage is my busness and i ain't gonna stand for nobuddy innerfearin with it ok?

As fer callin ya i done tol ya i ain't got no cash to spare so dont be lookin fer no call any time soon from this end no sir. Ma done tol me to tell ya just go ahead and send the money to us and we best do what Ma says. She ain't been right latly and her rumatism been actin up somethin feerce but if Ma says send the money then by gum thats what we gonna do. so heres my adress for you to send that cash to mister.

Hank Dugan

17419 Coon Holler Road

sweetwater, TN 37874

Now, about this here bank detail busness. What you need that fer? you tellin me you gonna need my bankin details to do this? mister lissen here ain't no way in hell i can give ya somethin like that lessn you tell me zactly what you plannin to do with it. dont give me no funny stuff ether or ill have sherrif coltraine on you lik flys on hog crap. best you explan yerself to me quick boy or ill be fixin to come over there and kick somebodies ass.

dont leave me hangin here Sambo, i need some ansers and some more informachun as soon as you get this. and another thing to- tell me why you dont already have these documints ready to go afore you done writ to me son? that dont make no sence to send a man an offer that aint already in place!

Allright then ill be waitin to hear from ya

Hank DUGAN (get it right this time)

ps you got room in yer hut fer anutter mouth to feed? my boy rupert has plum lost his gizzards latly. he been geetin in all kindsa tomfoolery here at the ol homstead so im studyin on shippin him on outta here ifn he dont straten up right.

Sambo,
Why ain't i heerd back from ya yet? Me and mas waitin here on pins and needels fer yer reply so you best git on back with us now and not keep us waitin on ya to much longer. I was talkin with som of dem boys down at the stachun and they says they wishn they was in my shoes bout right now cause we gonna be rich soon. i done tol jethro myers and pickle johnson not to bother buggin ol man henny down at the farmacy fer anymora that linmint oil fer there artritus cause im buyin them a bunch of it sonns you send me that cash.
im waitin on ya sambo writ back quick!
hank

ATTN:Henry Dugan,
THANKS MY BROTHER , MY REGARDS TOUR GUYS OVER THERE.
I REALLY WANT TO MAKE YA A MILLIONARE BUT I NEED YA HELP ,CAN YA SEND ME SOME MONEY TO GET SOME DOCUMENTS TO GET THIS MONEY RELEASED FROM THE BANK
IF YA CAN DO THAT ,WOH WE ARE RICH.
IF YOU GANA SEND THIS MONEY ,THEN YOU GANA USE THIS NAME TO SEND ME THE MONEY ,CHRISTOPHER NONYALUM.
TEXT QUESTION:WHO IS YA:ANSWER:YOUR GUY.
SEND IT THROUGH WESTERN UNION.
DO NOT FAIL TO THAT YA.
I MUST CONFESS TO YA THAT YOU ARE A NIGA YA.
THANKS MY NIGA

Sambo,

sorry i ain't got back to ya latly but i had to rush ma to the hospitle 2 days ago cause that dam rupert played anoter practicle joke on her. this time he waited til she done fell asleep and glued her hand to her forhead with soma that superglue. ma woke up and came walkin out to the outhouse where i was sittin with a old pinup glossy of betti page dreamin bout my youngir years holdin her hand to her forhead. i says to her ma whatsa matter you gots you a headake? and she says no pa i cant get my hand offa my forhead i think rupert done glued it on there. well we was in that mergency room for well over 6 hour whilst they tryd to unglue it with soma that solvint. when i got back to the house i grabbed me ahold of a monkey rench and went after rupert to learn him a thing or 2 bout gluin peopels hands to there heads. rupert ran out to the barn to git away but i follered him and beat him sencless. he be alrigt but suzy gota help im with just bout everythin now cause he dont move to good no more. that boy aint right and i dont rightly know what ima gonna do with him.

so anyhow, i got you mail bout that westerne unyun thing and how you needs some money to help ya get thos documints out. son i gotta tell ya we in a depreschun here. i wished i had me a dime to spear ya. i was thinkin you mite wanna go ahead and send me som money since i think we worser off then you. asides that you never tol me wich westerne unyun oficce to send anythin to ifn i had any to send ya. i done gave ya my adress already, so please mister help me ma n the young uns out a littel. we dont need much i wont even take even 25 precent a that big ol chunk a change you gonna get for us both. go head and send us bout 50 dollars and itll help us much.

thanks sambo - ill be awaitin on ya

hank dugan

to be continued...